Friday, June 17, 2011

V I G I L

Now, this post is mostly dedicated to Shimmertail, who wrote a (very good) one-shot for Shattered. The rest of you guys probably don't want to read it, but there IS an important bit of information tucked away inside. I'll put it in bold so the rest of you can see it, because typing it again is tiring and I'd probably forget to, sooo....Yeah. Anyway, talking-to-Shimmertail-time. xD

Firstly, I want you to understand how amazing I find it that you actually wrote this one-shot, completely unprompted. You wrote a one-shot of my fic which was based on original role-play which was based on the Warriors series. That's a lot of stuff in the middle, and you could have snipped it out by writing about characters straight from the canon series, but you didn't, you wrote about /my/ OCs, and that feels absolutely FANTASTIC. The thought that someone would care enough about my random OCs to write anything about them is completely amazing to me, and for that I thank you. <3

As for the one-shot itself, it was very well-written (I expect nothing less from the literacy you show in your reviews, of course), and I'll admit that I'm impressed. You need a FFN account, and you need to be writing giant awesome fics too, okay? Because the site is missing out.

Of course, there were some small nit-picks for me (like Northy monologuing out loud, he tends to keep that to himself), but I want you to understand that any mistakes/OOC moments I noticed were extremely small. I'm an EXTREME Mama Bear (like you have no idea) when it comes to other people using my characters, or using the characters of other people; for that very reason, I don't read very many fics, because I believe that only the original author can truly do a character justice (which is why in TR, Tigerstar himself didn't have many lines, and I was actually fairly reluctant to write JtR, because I don't think I can properly capture his character; I gave it my best, but I know I fell short). Really, I feel this way because characters are so involved and complex that there is a ton of stuff that I know about them, but the readers don't, because there's no place to really tuck it into the story with it still being relevant (for example, when Stormshadow was still a rogue and very young, he was abused by his father, very brutally. His father actually ended up killing his mother, at one point. There was nothing Stormshadow felt that he could do, he was too young, until he met Scorpion. Scorpion convinced him to stand up for himself, and together they took down Stormshadow's father. That was when Stormshadow took his rogue name, Shredder. Because of that, Stormshadow is disdainful towards most Clan kits, especially Spiderpaw, because to him they act spoiled and have no idea what having a hard life is really like. That's also why he's sort of taken a father position for Firepaw and Blackpaw, so they have what he didn't at their age. And, that is why if Nightshade was still alive or her kits were ever found, he would personally rip her and them limb from limb, because Scorpion was, in essence, his "savior". That was kind of rambley and weird, but I assume that you see what I mean? It's hard to use characters if you don't know everything about them, which is why I try not to use too many canon characters, unless they were pretty minor, like Snowkit.) But even with my feelings on the subject,  I will say that you did very well portraying him in all his angsting, tortured glory, and I was happy to see that you stuck Shimmerpaw in there too. She acted appropriately cold, considering that he was the enemy, and I understand how difficult it is to capture her odd speaking exactly right (sometimes I feel that I mess it up myself).

As for the actual content, I was a bit confused there at the beginning of the timeframe of the story, but after I read it again it made sense to me. I loved Northy's beginning bit (even though it was out loud xD) especially since it's rather close to what Eaglestrike says to her later, about her being oblivious and all (Eagle and Northy are kind of foils to each other, in some traits at least, so it was a nice parallel). One teeny thing I didn't like in the next paragraph was addressing the reader with "You guess", mostly because it changed the tense of the story; the one-shot was written in 3rd person limited, but by addressing the reader you changed it to 2nd person for a moment. That's obviously a small thing, but I just thought I'd mentioned it (I myself love critique, but I'm not sure how you feel about it, so I'll try to keep it to a minimum xD). And then you described his bout of anger (like so many others that he seems to get) very well, and I like his other monologue too, it sounded very much like him. I think the entire paragraph that starts with "He didn't feel like the manipulative killer" is probably my favorite in the piece, mostly because it communicates extremely well his view of himself and his view of her. The little snippets were an excellent stylistic choice, in my opinion.

And then Shimmerpaw (yay!) comes in! The only thing I see wrong with her is that Northy wouldn't forget her name, because Silverstreak used the same name when she was talking to Rainwind/Mousepaw, and that's what tipped him off in the first place that she was hanging around. But, again, a tiny thing. I do like how you handled her speech, since it's sort of hard to get a grip on, and her mentioning Mudder was oddly sweet. She's definitely her defiant, smart-mouthed self, which is wonderful, since sarcastic characters can be hard to capture. And, of course, Northy getting angry was completely in character and wonderful, and him sleeping beside her at the end was completely sweet. <3

Sorry if that was too analysis-y, I didn't mean for it to be, but that tends to be how I comment on stuff. All in all, I'm very impressed and grateful that you chose to actually write something about them (and Northy's beginning monologue does explain their "buckets of UST", ha. On a side note, you're a troper, right? I think you've made a few off-handed trope-y comments, but I just want to make sure xD). Also, I recently found out that apparently Dustpelt and Ferncloud are uncle/niece, so NorthxSilver would be technically possible, if silly Forest and Rose didn't get in the way. Maybe your fic is set in an alternate univserse, mm?

Do I have permission to post the one-shot somewhere on here? I'm sure anyone that actually read this besides you is probably wondering what I'm talking about. xD

Chapter up, yaaaay!

I apologize for the late blog update, again! I always seem to upload new chapters really late, and then I have to remember in the morning to update because I don't have time at night. Sorry again! Really! D:

Anyway:

@Shimmertail: You're always like one of the first people to review! How do you do it? That's a good point about Jag, he's probably suffering from some sort of horrible distress syndrome and will probably snap and gut poor Spiderpaw like a fish. Glad you enjoyed seeing Forest again; originally it was supposed to be Thistlethorn on the patrol, but then I was like 'naaaah' and changed it, because I love Forest too (he's my first romantic partner to date a main character that hasn't died yet, so that's awesome). Darkstorm mentoring Spider makes me cringe, especially since Spider's so small and kit-looking still, ha. I'm excited about those too (it's fun being an excited author :D) and I posted Chilly just for you, if you wanna go look, he's with the others now. His design isn't very creative tho, sigh. Yay, kittens! I'm glad they all made it to good homes; I've never had a pet give birth, but my friends have, and they all say that's the hardest part. Glad you managed it. We'll see how Sootpaw gets her training, no worries! Also, as a side note, it kind of soothes my ego how you ask for updates rather politely, thank you for that. <3 I'm going to write about your one-shot in a different post altogether, since it doesn't really belong in this entry, so I'll get to it soon!

@QueenOfThePens: ForestxSoot, I presume? Intentional, darling, intentional, but completely one-sided. Soot might have a teeny crush on him, in a fifth-grader-crushing-on-his-teacher sort of way. It probably won't amount to much, though, since Soot is going to be on---er, I mean, we'll see. Also, Eaglestrike isn't manipulating Silverstar, he just sort of isn't consulting her very much.

@Crowstorm: Thanks, I'm fond of his saying too! Iceblossom was Icepaw in most of Shattered, a haughty little apprentice of PeakClan that hooked up with Volepaw/Volewhisker at the end. Snowpaw, Shrewpaw, and Swanpaw are their kits. ^^

@Lynxeye: Thanks! I wanted to try something different on a couple levels here, so I experimented with their training, and I'm pleased with the result. Of course, Soot's difficulties will have some impact on the plot, once we get around to more than just her crazy dreams. Hopefully we'll see more of Forest, and you'll just have to wait to see how Silver turns out. I like Jag too, although as Shimmertail pointed out in her review, he's kind of a dangerous BFF to have. xD

@Insane: We'll just have to see how poor Silver pans out...but wow, that Spider/Northy scene would indeed be amazing. If only it was possible...*sigh*

@Nightkill: She has a rough time, huh? D:

@AngelDevilCat: Thanks! I appreciate it. ^^

@Silverblossom: I assure you, I don't mind. ^^ Stormshadow said to Spiderpaw basically everything you did, although I didn't intend it to be that way, ha. There's nothing wrong with the word funk, although I admit I don't use it much....*writes down in idea notebook* Everyone's hating Eaglestrike, how sad. And by Sparklewish, did you mean Darkstorm? xD

@PricelessCatLady: I'm kinda regretting posting the summary since the main plot hasn't taken off yet, but ah well. Soot'll be a super-hero soon enough.

@Mlaia3: Thanks! It would appear so, but knowing Northy....